Today was my initial screening appointment with the Primary Care Mental Health Service in Leeds. If I am taking you back to the reasons why I was writing this blog in the first place, , it was following a huge self realisation a year ago: I am a HEALTH AND FOOD ADDICT! I have been letting my life being ruled by over-thinking about food, I have been letting food ruling my life. No space was available to nothing else apart food. I had to know the right food to put into my body. I had to find the reasons why I was feeling so unwell, so out of balance, so out of control. I had to find the reasons why I was craving for food so much. I have tried many ” healthy food trends” dictated by the health food industry: I have tried raw food / sugar detox / paleo diet / liver flushes / colonic irrigations / smoothie diets and much more. I was eating blueberries because healthy magazines were telling me to eat them as they are “ULTRA healthy”, packed of antioxidant. I was eating with my mind. My body was screaming … put a bit of “naughtiness” in your body…I couldn’t and wouldn’t let it go. I was thinking that it was others who were not healthy beings…NOT ME… I let food ruling my life and disregarding other aspects of my life such as: building a career for myself, nourishing my relationships with my friends and my newly…EX partenaire.
It was a YEAR AGO that I had this self realisation….Another year on…and…I have been at my lowest point ever! At the time, I understood that I spent too much time thinking about food and it was time to shift my focus on other aspects of my life. I was getting back with my previous partenaire of 8 years and was starting all over again promising myself that I would build a different future with him. I was motivated to work towards a good career, taking responsibility for things that I never really liked doing: bills / council taxes, working towards getting a house and so on.
Well….good intentions but this last year hasn’t been planned as I thought it would have been…A year on and I have recently lost AGAIN my long term partenaire, moved to a shared house and still being ruled by my obsession with food.
I feel that since these last 6 months, I have shrunken from the world.I have isolated myself from my friends. I couldn’t face the thoughts of looking on Facebook. I have lost weight (being usually an underweight type of girl…it wasn’t;t the best thing that could have happened to me). My weight lost was corresponding to the start of a pretty demanding job being on my feet all day long but also starting a TWO MONTHS sugar DETOX! YES a sugar DETOX…few months after realising that I WAS A HEALTH AND FOOD ADDICT. I have slipped again…and at today’s date…I am paying the price…
Now then…at today’s date I have finally ADMITTED that I had a serious eating disorder and I NEEDED TO GET SOME HELP. I took the initiative of talking to my GP for being referred to a specialised organisation so I could let specialists helping me and not pretending that I can help myself.
If you find yourself in a similar situation that food has been ruling your life…Please get some help. Fantastic people are out there, ready to help you on your journey. You just have to ask for it. And I have to admit that it was the most difficult thing to do. I had to find strength and courage to admit the truth but ultimately I know it is for a good cause and to help me breaking free from my food addiction.
I am starting to put my life back in balance and harmony and will write more about my journey and the techniques and tools that I am using in order to disconnect from food but also to balance important other areas of my life to live a more harmonious life.
With warm love,