Welcome to my new blog! For those who have been following me, you will notice a difference in the content of my writting.
Previously, my writting was about providing advices/coaching tips to my readers on how to put their life back in harmony and balance. I also wanted to be an inspiration for those of you who wanted to turn their dream career or life a reality.
I quitted my full time job back in December 2011 to fully immerse myself in my newly found passion: Life Coaching. While my job at the time provided me with lots of personal and professional valuable lessons, it was time for me to leave to experiment something else. I wasn’t satisfy and happy anymore.
I wanted to prove to people and myself that: When you have got a dream, you CAN DO IT!
Well….While I am 100% certain that you can achieve whatever you are dreaming of, I didn’t take the easiest option by quitting my job! I thought that my good will and intention in helping others would result in creating opportunities for myself. As if I would be an “opportunity magnet” and people would be drown to my positive energy. LOL or MDR standing for Mort-De-Rire in French! Nerveless to mention that I have quitted my job late December 2011 and received my Life Coaching Certificate April 2012!??!
While I do not regret the decision that I took, they are things that I could have done differently such as realising that achieving my goal in turning my coaching into my dream carrier will take a little while. For my partner and friends, it was a very obvious fact. For me, well… it wasn’t! I was fully immersed in my newly found passion to help others and giving guidance to bring relief into people’s life. Although it was a very honourable intention, I put myself under great amount of stress by overseeing the little steps which would lead me to where I wanted to go. I have learnt that patience, focus,perseverance and hard work are necessary qualities if you want to experience success in your chosen field.
During this transition period, my financial situation got worst and worst and I came to the point where I didn’t have any single penny on my account. I also was in a process of moving house with my partner and had bills to pay for, food to pay for…like anybodyelse.
The funny thing is that I have always thought of myself as independent. I realised during this emotional turmoil that I have never really trusted my self enough. I was always using crutches such as my partner or my mum (I am ashamed to admit it! YES…:) in case of financial difficulties.It was unconscious though. I never wanted to be this kind of person and being in this situation but perhaps I have been attracted it for myself. I am a firm believer that you attract what you do not want. Up until you do not STOP and THINK and put into your awareness some limiting self beliefs that may hold you back, it is very possible that you carry on repeating the same behavioural patterns for a long time.
It was much easier for me to ask for help than tapping into my personal power. I have learnt that I had to get out of my comfort zone, if I wanted to succeed in anything. I had to stand up on my own two feet, tap into my personal power and “feel the fear and do it anyway”. Because ultimately, this is it: when you want a change to occur or improve your life circumstances…you will have to go through this overwhelming feeling of fear, go through it and do what you need to do in order to change your circumstances. This is called the “comfort zone”. Mine was very hard to break (and still) as I have never been someone to dare taking risks for fear of failures. So I can promise you that I am pushing my boundaries!
Also, in my previous blog I was giving advices on how to stop cravings and unharmonious relationships with food. I had some great insights and felt very enthusiastic about this section. My struggle with food has been a long life term relationship. Perhaps between 15 and 18 years. But lately, I have came to a very important self-realisation:
I AM A HEALTHY FOOD AND HEALTH ADDICT!!!
This self realisation came to me while I had a “Divine guidance session” lead by a wonderful woman called Kimm Fearnley, owner of the Happiness Centre in Ilkley. I consider myself as a very spiritual person and I deeply enjoy spiritual guidance at times when I am feeling lost. I wanted a bit more clarity for my coaching career as nothing did seem to happen my way. But the guidance didn’t really have anyhting related to my career. Sort of.
On Saturday the 7th of April 2012,this self realization of my healthy food and health addiction had to come to an end. The same as alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes for others. Prior this day, I didn’t think that I was addicted to heath and healthy food. I didn’t think of myself as an addict. I just wanted to be at my optimum health, that’s all. I believed that it was OTHERS who didn’t live a healthy lifestyle but not me!??!!.
Kimm asked me the question: “What are your hobbies & interest in life? I happily answered: Farmer’s Markets, organic food, cookery TV programs such as: Come Dine with me, River Cottage, Master-chefs and….hang on…She stopped me and pointed at me that everything was related to…FOOD! OH MON DIEU!
I even got a part time job in a bakery to help with my financial situation. At the time when I was so desperate for money, I decided to walk into local businesses to ask for a job. I didn’t think too much at the time and did enter a wonderful “Sunshine Bakery” (Chapel Allerton in Leeds). It turned out that the owner had a part time job for me! I couldn’t turn this opportunity down …This place is truly heaven on earth, producing home-made breads, cupcakes, sausage rolls. They are offering locally sourced and fresh ingredients…
Heaven on Earth but I forgot to tell you… At the time, I was considering myself as intolerant to wheat and gluten / dairy / chocolate / refined and fruit sugars / onions / garlic / pulses / raw vegetables / tahini and much more.
In my early shifts, a client of the bakery told me that it was a complete insanity to work in such an environment. I didn’t take notice of this statement and carried on suppressing my desire for the sweet cupcakes, brownies…I have got WILL POWER…I can go through it! I am looking back now and I am laughing at myself! Total INSANITY!
I am sorry, this introduction is a bit long! I do hope you will bear with me…I just would like to explain my journey related to my relationship with food. I think this is important for me to explain it right at the start so you can refer to it as a first time reader and have a deeper understanding on the reason why this blog started.
It started by a classmate who fancied me at the time. Each time when I was called to present some homework in the front of the classroom and write my answers on the chalkboard, I knew that “il me mangeait du regard”. I knew that he was staring at me and my bum and you might think: Oh well it is very pleasant, isn’t it? It made me rather feel intimidated and uncomfortable.
I have always been slim. No reason for me to have been worried about my figure. But at the time, this guy made me feel very conscious about me body. I started to develop an obsession with how my body looked and made sure that I would NOT put on weight. I was buying healthy magazines and was reading about the latest super food or diet trend which would make me feel fitter and healthier.
I am 31 years old now and I can tell you that my brain is a WAREHOUSE full of health information about what to eat and about what not to eat. Confusing information too as the health industry is providing lots of contradictory piece of information. One day potatoes are considered as a classified “banned” food, the other day; well…it is THE healthiest food on Earth which is going to reduce your cravings and will make you feel fuller for longer. I know a lot about health and as you can imagine, I have tried lots of different healthy diets and other healthy alternatives to detox my body: Raw food diet, tick… done it, sugar free diet, tick… done it, detox and liver flushes, tick… done it, colonic irrigations, tick…done it, metabolic typing diet, tick…done it, Ayurveda, tick…done it. When I am looking back at these last 18 years, food and health has been overtaking my whole life!
While writing about my journey is important for me to recover and heal from my healthy food addiction, perhaps it will resonate with some of you and will help you in your own journey. I do not pretend to have the keys for your own health. I just want to expose my own journey, be as honest as possible and laugh about myself while breaking free of thinking too much about food and experiencing others “sweet” things that life has to offer to me. I want to enjoy my life and also work toward having financial stability.
We are all so different and one diet might be the right thing for you but not from somebody else. So many times, I have been relying on others: nutritionist, raw food experts…They all have their own truth which wasn’t mine. My intention is not to discourage anybody on their own health journey.No. My intention is to show you that being obsess with food and constantly thinking about it can create your own reality, perhaps the symptoms that you are experiencing by dwelling on them and dismissing all the non-food related experiences that life has to offer to you.
While looking after ourselves is really important to live our life at our fullest, I have spent so much time and energy finding the latest trend which is going to make me feel healthier. So many hours, energy and readings that I have completely dismissed FUN in my life. When I am looking at myself now, I do not think that I am looking my healthiest in comparison to some of my friends who haven’t been giving a “BIP” to their health. I mean they are aware of what is a balanced diet and follow it but do not obsess about it. They just enjoy their life, find activities which are helping them to disconnect from their busy lifestyle, they are spending energy to build a successful career to have comfortable lives and so on. At todays’ date, I am feeling rather too thin, my complexion is pale and I do not think that my body is nourished as it should be. At todays’ date, I do not own a house, I do not have savings, I haven’t built up a successful career for myself, I am financially relying on my partner if we are going to restaurants with family and friends, I am not managing my money as I should do…well…as you can see my life is not in a very stable situation!
So… prior pretending helping others with their own challenges, I have challenges myself that need to be sorted out! I truly think that I have found a very special passion of mine with coaching and helping others overcoming difficulties that Life can sometimes bring. But I do have to put my life back in harmony and balance first before caring for others.
Through this blog, this is my intention to write about my journey, my challenges, my cries and laughs to put myself back on in balance, gaining financial stability, owning a house, being free of my unharmonious relationship with food and start to experience FUN & unconditional JOY in my life!
Coming back to the Food side, my tendency of using my health information and analyzing the impact on what food is going to have on my body or not have been making me feel very anxious about what to eat. In my head it is like an ongoing scenario: “hummm I do fancy a pineapple…but oh it is high in sugar…It is good sugar though….but even though it is good sugar, it is going to rise my blood sugar level…oh I need some protein to eat with it, so it will stabilize my blood sugar level…OK I am going to eat it with …cottage cheese…Oh NO! I can’t have cottage cheese as it is dairy and I am intolerant to dairy…I am intolerant to dairy…yes that is right …I have been reading about my symptoms and they completely match what my latest health magazine was saying….what should I have instead?!!!??? What would go well with pineapple as a snack? Let me think again….. “WHAT A NIGHTMARRREEEEE!
At the beginning of my twenties up until my 30, I have been putting lots of salads, raw food, too much fruits, yogurt, porridge, grains, nuts and seeds, hummus, soya based products and not enough of protein such as eggs, white and dark meat, fish, seafood … I was also partying and was drinking alcohol as every young people do at my age.
Lately, I started to develop severe digestive issues and I always wanted to find a cure and wanting to know the reasons’ why my body reacted like that. Now looking back, I cannot numerate the number of hours of reading about a way to put my body back in balance. The funny thing is that the healthiest I wanted to be, the weakest I became. My body was trying to tell me:” HEY HO….STOPPPPPP… you need to stop overloading me with food high in fiber, raw and cold. I want meat, I want fish !”. By eating that way, I have also stopped to completely being in touch with my own body and inner wisdom. I was eating with what my mind was telling me to eat and not with what my body was telling me to eat. I had cravings because I wasn’t nourishing my body with a balanced diet but also my concern about what to put in my body had created a huge amount of stress. At the time, I didn’t see that my stress had a direct impact on the way I was digesting my food. Of course, it wasn’t the only reason why I developed digestive troubles but it was one of the main. I developed anemia and reach a point where I was losing weight, became weak, my complexion was dull, felt confused and unfocused on what did truly matter to me.
I think that I have been giving you a clear picture of what is going on in my life. I do hope you will appreciate my blog and will laugh with me as much as I am laughing about myself !
Have a lovely read and speak to you soon with some FUN things to share!
With Love and Gratitude,